Skoobidee bop

After a brief stint of a. being convinced no one read this and b. being annoyed this blog looked like shit...I'M BACK BITCHES.

You know what I am doing right now, sweet reader? I am, for reasons unbeknown to myself, watching the Nostradamus Effect series on the history channel. AKA the shows where theorists talk ever so nonchalantly about the godforsaken end of the world that apparently is juusssstttt upon us. Now, I have some few choice words for those scientists that think its okay to pour this hulabaloo into my daily coffee. My one constant response to this 2012 theory always is, "Listen, the world can't end yet....I have SO MUCH LEFT TO DO!" And while I think that should be reason enough for the cosmos to comply with my simple request, I thought...why not make them a list to reinforce my complaint. So for this holiday season, I'm forsaking my list to Santa in order to write a list to the aliens/antichrist/comet/jesus/osama/whoever could possibly be behind this pre-planned ultimate buzzkill. My bucket list if you will:

1. Go to Spain...if the end of the world doesn't kill me, Stacey Mead certainly will if her and I don't finally end up there.

2. Be in a re-enactment on either animal planet or discovery channel. Preferably a shark attack victim, but I will accept tiger attack, elephant attack, chimpanzee attack, or random worried onlooker.

3. Pet a tiger....in the WILD.

4. Time Travel..... and witness these events:
a. Dinosaurs
b. I think just Dinosaurs will suffice
c. No wait! I'll go punch Nostradamus in the face for all these doomsday prophecies that I, quite frankly, find rude.
d. Meet Jesus, ask him what's up.
e. Stand at the entrance to the Titanic with a sign that says "Free Hugs!...oh yeah and YOUR BOAT IS GOING TO SINK."
f. Try to steer Amelia Earheart onto a different career path...maybe cooking.
d. Beat Columbus at his own game.

5. Present Anderson Cooper with a Powerpoint presentation on why he should date me.

6. Be naked in a play. Get at me.

7. Live in a tree.

8. Be part of a flash mob.

Are all these not reason enough for the world to keep going? What am I doing...this is so masturbatory...I'll write a funny story where I was naked and embarrassed tomorrow instead.