I'm in the Pretty Union

Riley: I think I'm going to audition for Aladdin the musical at Disneyland!

Sam Kraus: Ok...one question. Exactly what part would you play in "Aladdin: Arabian Nights" ?

Riley: .............................................. the monkey?



It's because of friends like Sam that my fantastical and grand celebrity lifestyle remains grounded and modest. No Lohan am I.....I'm just being Miley.

My partner in crime, Becca Euliss, and I have begun writing a play inspired by our life here thus far. See what you think of it. Comments and criticism are welcomed and can be expected to be disregarded immediately because it isn't like you're getting off your lazy ass and WRITING A PLAY.

Scene 1:

Lights up on Becca and Riley, sitting next to each other on a love seat staring blankly at the television. The blue light illuminates both of their faces.

Pause.

Riley: I can't watch this anymore, it's stressing me out.

Becca: Wait, the tv show, or your life?

Cable goes out. The stage is black except for the static color shit illuminating becca and riley.

Becca and Riley: (sideways glances at each other)

Becca: So...i'm assuming you didn't pay the cable bill this month?

Riley: (staring blankly at the screen) ...no...

Becca: ....Now what?

Riley: Sam wake up

Sam: Noooooooooo

Riley: Get up bitch, the cables out.

Sam: I just had the funniest dream. I was sitting next to a black woman and a dog that looked like a human. And every time it would laugh it would roll onto its back and go haahahaahahaha and roll back up.

Riley:....What?

Sam: (laughing) it would roll on its back and go hahahahaaaaa and then roll back up. It was so funny.

Riley: Perfect.

Lights Out.

Scene 2:

Lights up on Becca and Riley sitting on a bench, outside, the sound of traffic driving by in the background.

Riley: huh...I thought it was cloudy outside.

Becca: Nope, not even a little bit.

Riley: Weird.

Becca: Check it out..those two little kids are playing tether-ball.

Riley: where?

Becca: Right over there.

Riley: Ohhhhoho sweet. Maybe they'll let us play.

Becca: Yeah right before they register you as a sex offender.

Riley: You mean again?

Becca: shut up. You want to make a bet?

Riley: I mean, sure. You want the chola or the fat little asian?

Becca: You know I don't like sushi.

Riley: annnnnd she kicks it up a notch.

Becca: Just keeping you on your toes.

Riley: I'll keep you on mah dick.

Becca: fuck off, they're starting.

Riley: Maybe we should get some beer?

Becca: I'm sorry, did you find the money you've been hiding up your ass?

Riley: Yes, actually, right next to that perfume you wear.

Becca: What?

Riley: You smell like shit.

Becca: I hate you

(to be continued)