Hooka

I think I just made the barista at this Starbucks think I was a stripper when I handed her a bunch of singles and said, "Tips right? What are ya gunna do?"

I actually wish that I was a stripper because I am certain they make a hell of a lot more money than I do. This coincides with a conversation I recently had with my friend, where I was arguing that I really didn't think that doing porn was that big of a deal, that I would (mom don't read this) probably consider doing it if I weren't wanting to become an actor, because it's a seemingly simple job for lots of money. It's just another job! And his rebuttal was, "Well yes Riley but you could say that being a drug dealer is just another job." To which I retorted, "And if I knew how to make crystal meth, do you think I would be folding towels for pennies?"

Set. And. Match.

For those of you who don't know, the way I have been sustaining myself out here in Vegas is by being a Spa Attendant/Receptionist at one of the big ol' hotels. When I'm actually an attendant I work on the men's side of the spa, which is essentially a locker room, and I clean up after the old naked men that walk around and drop their dirty towels on the ground. Naked...yes, naked. My job is essentially penis. Penis all day. Yes, I expect the obvious responses to this statement being, "Oh, you must be in heaven." or "Isn't that what your people like?"....to which I reply, "If I could...I'd pay midgets to tie you down and chew off your feet."

But I digress.

Tying this all together, I think for some of the patrons of the spa, I might represent some kind of porn fantasy. "Spa Boys 7: Steam Heat" or something of that nature. I was giving a tour to an older gentleman (crackhead) one day and showing him the couples spa and the following conversation ensued:

Crackhead Jim: What time y'all close?

Me: 8 pm sir, every day.

CJ: Ok...I see I see....and is this where y'all keep the hookers? (indicating treatment rooms where services are performed)

Me: Um.....no. No, we don't have hookers here.

CJ: OH...You know, that was a big thing back in my day.

Me: ....Hookers?...or hookers giving massages?

CJ: Yes.

Me: .......alright then. Whattaya know.

CJ: What time do y'all close?

So that was my experience with crackhead Jim. I know that doesn't tie into my porn fantasy theory...but this one just might.

A customer had just left the spa, tipping me five dollars, and going into the lobby to see if his wife was there. After seeing she was not, he came back inside and whilst I folded my towels the following interaction ensued.

Man: I guess I'll just wait back for her inside here.

Me: Aw, you just knew I was the more entertaining option in here.

Man: Yeah....why don't you get on the table and dance for me?

Me:......................................

Man: ........................................

Me: Ha.....heh.....uh....maybe if you had more singles! (internal "ba-bum-bum chhhhh")

Man: Well do you have any change?

Me: I....you know...alright, this is getting a little too real right now.



So....I'm a geisha.