This evening, one of my best friends from Las Vegas is making his exciting move to New York City to further pursue his acting dreams. His name is Jon. Now, if you saw Jon and I together I think it would be perplexing as to how we've been best friends for so long. If there was a police line-up showing those responsible for being the complete opposite of me, Jon could be picked out by that big-ass grinning Stevie Wonder swaying his head from side to side, while on the phone with Little Richard.
Jon is 24, cruising at an altitude of 5'6 while I fluctuate between 5'11 and 6'0 depending on how positive my day was. Jon is the type of go-getter personality who will be the first to introduce himself to you, manage being a trumpet player, drum major, theatre president and tenor in two different choirs while I'm the type of boy who will call my roommate out of her room to turn off the air conditioning, because this episode of “I Shouldn't Be Alive” is just too captivating for me to be bothered with chilly room temperatures and getting up to get a blanket, sweater, or adjust the heat myself. And while Jon is the type of person that will always let you know he thinks of you as amazing, talented, wonderful, and his best friend, I'm the type of person who makes nearly everyone feel ambivalent about our friendships due to my inability to not tell someone if they are, in fact, slutty and boring. Furthermore, Jon tends to be a gentleman who respects those around him, including their personal space, while I am someone who, when my friends were asked how they would impersonate me, said “Well, I'd probably try to unhook someones bra, grab their boobs, and then lick their face.”
But lo and behold, Jon and I have been best friends for about 5 years now. I call him to complain, laugh, annoy and frustrate. He knows more about me than most, which makes me feel naked in his eyes...which could also be attributed to the fact that when I get drunk I find it funny to try and slap him with my penis, but... as they say...toMAYto toMAHto.
What I envy most about Jon, however, is his forward nature when it comes to hugging people. Jon is the type of person who you know is always going to hug you when he sees you. Whether it be the second time you have met him, hell, even the first more often than not, you just have that knowing feeling that he is walking towards you for a hug. I wish I had this quality more than ANYTHING sometimes. I cannot begin to count the amount of awkward encounters I have with people including friends, elders, past coworkers, cast members and family members in which we both just sort of stand that awkwardly close distance to each other, kind of smiling, kind of shifting back and forth, maybe lifting up a hand and placing it on the shoulder because that in some way seems less uncomfortable than high fiving or shaking a hand, even though it ends up being more awkward than an Eskimo kiss could have been for chrissakes. I have no idea where this amazingly awkward tendency comes from. Its as if I have no middle ground when it comes to personal boundaries of people I know. There is a fine, fine line between completely awkward and unobtrusive, and then completely inappropriate and invasive. With people who I know are my good friends and best friends...well, good God all bets are off. My hands are on their butts, breasts and crotches while my tongue is most likely in their mouth. I pick them up when I see them, wrestle them to the ground, club them with a wooden stick and carry them back home to my cave for wild primitive sex whether they like it or not. Then, when it comes to those who are my friends in that way where its like, “I mean we're friends...but...not the 'you've seen me naked' kind of friend..sooooo...” I just wave to them from a distance of maybe 1 ft. apart, proceed to laugh uncomfortably, stare at the ground, put my hands in my pocket and look any way which is not in their face. In all actuality, I'm surprised I haven't been asked if I have autism by those who have to endure this side of me.At least it's all out in the open now...and anyone who reads this can now choose which side of the line they want to be on. It's like...you're signing a waiver that will hold me unaccountable for sexual harassment. So I cannot be held accountable for the following photos citing examples of said non-awkward behavior.
Perfect.
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