Meow Meowwww

There are few moments of self-realization that compare with me scrolling through the TV channels, then letting out an audible and breathy "yessssss" when I see that Big Cat Diaries is on.

What has my life turned into?

Time to gooooo. NOW.

Stumbling Stumbling Stum Bum Bum

Bad. Ass. Bama.

Who wouldn't want to be his friend?

Well, Dicks.

Why is it that for me, calling a stranger takes more energy and courage from me than jumping off a cliff. I am sitting in front of my phone, staring at a number of a woman to call in L.A. going over 10,000 different ways to handle the conversation. I'm not the pushiest of boys. I'm more of the "I'll let the waiter bring me the wrong drink order and then never tell them and convince myself that a Shirley Temple is fine even though I just needed a free glass of water after wandering around the desert all day," kind of boy. I'm going to do it.

I am.

Oh God, my back is sweating.

Here I go.

Fuck, get all burps out first.

And going...

Uh-huh...Uh-huh...Yeah, I've deduced that I have Tourette's when placed in uncomfortable situations. Maybe a selective form of West Coast Tourette's where "awesome, totally, and dude" seem to be the most professional words I can purge from my collegiate vocabulary. At least I left "hella," and all other "go-to-words" I use when I can't think of anything to say, on the back burner. I'm sure someone hearing "Yeah Hi I'm Riley...I got your number from...uh...fuckinnggggg...shit..shit shit shit shit. fuckity fuckwaller..Richard! Oh yeah I got your number from Richard!" well...you get the point. I'm halfway there.

InArut69@aol.com

Look up restless in the dictionary and you will find a picture of me, sitting on my couch in my boxer briefs, a bag of cheese its at my side, and a dog at my feet. I have been itching to write for a while now, however I feel like anyone who reads this may leave a little more disgusted in me and possibly a little less intelligent. Just like I like them.

This week I have spent most of my time trying to come up with the perfect analogy as to how I feel right now. I've deduced that I'm just like Sonic the Hedgehog, spinning in one place just ready to try and hedgehog roll his ass around the loop, with every intention of destroying destructive machinery, freeing wildlife creatures, and collecting some fancy gold rings all at the same time. Except I am STILL sitting and spinning in one place. Other analogies I thought of were hot wheels and something with a hummingbird, but I couldn't figure out quite where to go with that one.

I have a new game where I watch the battery life in my computer slowly drain, then rise again once I plug it in. I feel with each millimeter that descends into my computer battery's death, a little piece of my soul goes with it...or probably just some brain cells. Who am I kidding? The whiskey took those with it months ago.

So what better way to spend my last few days here than watching videos of child prodigies. No matter what, talented kids under 13 all just seem like dicks (Don't even get me started on old school Dakota Fanning). Any pre-pubescent middle schooler that makes me jealous I'm not them deserves to get robbed, by me. Except for these three girls, because I imagine they could kick my ass.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wX7EhyREhyU(The blonde one is my future daughter)

Cat $can

Dear Ke$ha,

I do not for one second believe that "My Love" is the only drug you are on.

All the Best,

Riley McIlveen





"If I had of known you could be famous for being a synthesized crackhead, I would have done that by now." Sierra Rankow

She completes me. Actually, they both do. As I sat outside today and watched my dog get up from his ten hour nap, sit in the pool, roll in the grass, then hump a teddy bear...I couldn't help but envy him. Not about the pool though, it was a bit nippy for my taste.

Rub a Dub

So, I know I should be preparing for my move, and believe me I am most certainly counting down the days, but the things I can do to "prepare" are so limited. Therefore, in addition to going to the gym, eating veggies, picking my ass, and laying on my couch, I have taken up an addiction and semi-serious relationship with www.stumbleupon.com. This beautiful website was introduced to me by my former roommate, and professional party girl, Princess Brelyn Holmes.


Yep, there she is in all her glory. If you have never been to stumbleupon, I HIGHLY recommend it. My favorite website I've come across today? The ten best modern bathtubs. As if taking a bath wasn't grand enough, imagine trying it in one of these hush puppies.



The last one is my favorite. It's like bathing in half a coconut.

I'm off to read How To Be A Working Actor, because, let's be honest...someone's got to tell me how.

Back Attack Mack

After an extensive hiatus from the blog writing profession, I am back and more seriously committed than ever. I felt a bit contrived writing a blog before with no real theme or through line, so I therefore felt the need to wait for one to happen upon me. This is now the place where I will discuss my journeys as a recent graduate, struggling professional, baby vegetarian, fresh faced California resident, and the trials and tribulations a (fingers crossed) working actor will go through. All of which will hopefully be done in a witty and entertaining manner. I probably will still include the random pictures and videos that entertain me, but lets just play it by ear.

I just returned home to Las Vegas for a brief stint before moving out to LA hopefully in exactly one month. I have been using this time as my own personal sort of boot camp. Were the two weeks of non stop inebriation post final classes and pre graduation worth the fat face and baby beer gut? Oh, hell yes. Am I now suffering the consequences of trying to lose both the former gains in this next month? Oh, hell yes.

All I really need is to whack the woman on all those Progressive commercials because, let's be real, homegirl is making BANK.

I also just realized I won't be able to wear as many bandanas, as I'm prone to, once in LA for fear of being mistaken for a gang member. In this instance the cons far outweigh the pros. Later mandanas. Hello Bartending terminolgy book...cha-chiiiiing.