I swear to God if I hear Alicia Keys scream that city's name on the radio one more time, something somewhere is going to burn.
I just went to New York for the first time ever in my life and the most fascinating observation I made HAD to have been at the LaGuardia airport, where they actually specify right outside of security that snowglobes are not allowed to be taken through in a carry-on. My new mission? God...just please..let me bear witness to some security guard pulling a snowglobe out of some unsuspecting tourist's fanny pack, thereby presenting them with the internal dilemma of "Well what the fuck do I do with this snowglobe now?" I'll tell you what, exchange it for one of those license plates with your name on it instead because in the game of tacky, it's really just win win.
I imagine his name is Clyde and he lives within a ten mile radius of me, just drinking a Keystone and surely wishing he was shaking a snowglobe right about now.
